the only one

People may go on saying how good being the only child, you get whatever you want from your parents, all the attention you receive from them is nothing compared to a family with siblings, no need to fight over the sharing of things with your other siblings, you can have everything to yourself etc etc.

But you all never know that it's damn tough and torturous being the only child, 'cause you the only child in the family, the more they expect from you, in terms of grades, behavior, whatever you give them, they will compare with other kids from other family(even if you do not have siblings).
They will come like "Eh see xxx such a good and filial child gives his/her parents all her $$ when he/she work." or
"eh xxx went to Aussie to study or further her studies after her diploma. See people know how to think for their future."


It's not that i do not know how to think, it's just that i haven't settle my thoughts on what i wanna be in future. In our childhood days, we thought like we are super mans or superwomen, we seem to want to be anything that we could in future, we want to be doctor, nurse, lawyer, teacher, policeman, stewardess etc.

Once i thought of being all of them, in my phase of growing up. When i reached my secondary days, i thought i want to be video director, but my hopes were dashed cause my results can't go into NP Mass Comm and i didn't wanna go anywhere else's Mass Comm course other than there.

So in recent years, i wanted to head into the direction of Marketing. Nevertheless, i still want to pursue my dream as a video director or some director in some productions. If i can, i will and i must to prove that my dream really come true.

Even though being the only child has its pros, it has its cons too. Pros being nobody snatch things with you, you can get almost whatever you want(if its reasonable or useful for you in future), like Dr. Martens shoes, Macbook, overseas trips, iPhone, itouch. However, most of the things that i bought from shopping, is mostly from my own hard earned money. Cause they think that buying clothes is waste of money, like how often do i wear them? And how many times i wear them in a week? Buying more and more takes up space and the wardrobe will not be enough for me to put them in.
So now you know why i always work part-time? The daily allowance is not enough to support for my such expenses other than shopping, or to hang out w friends.
Tbh, i take daily allowance instead of monthly, and my allowance is = $10.  if i eat dinner outside, = $15.

Miserable amount and people started to ask me how i survived. Terrible month without my part time job, so i found another part time job to sustain me for the month, just short hours, low pay but its hours are flexible, and i get to sit down whenever theres no customers. Perfect job with no stress, no commitment of weekends, before i start my internship.

yes, they expect from me a lot, in terms of behavior, whenever i display bad behavior(bad or not are determined by them) , they will put the blame on my friends, saying that they influence me. Sometimes i got so sick of all these quarrels, "debates" , so sick of all the dramas in here. So much that i will leave.
I wanna just run away.

They don't allow me to club, even though i told them to allow me cause its just a month once thing.
They don't allow me to hang out late, when it reaches 10, they will start to spam call or WA me.
They don't allow me to go out almost everyday, or dinner outside everyday even though my grandpa hardly cooks and the dinner at home are mostly dapao-ed.
They don't allow me to go out on weekends 'cause weekends are for them even though they are at home now every single day.

Ha now you guys can take a good laugh at my life. Welcome to my life.
My miserable life that i have been living for the past 19 years.
What a joke life i have been living.
So bad enough that i don't wanna continue living already.

Now don't come and tell me you understand my situation, i don't need your sympathy, unless you are in the same boat as me now.
So now do you still think being the only child is still the best?

Yes, they expect me to do well in my studies, and to further my studies in university.
So they don't want me to work. But i didn't say i will neglect my studies.
I will go university. I WILL.

From young, what i wanted most is FREEDOM. Till now, it still is.
what meant more than freedom?

Im not 12 y/o kid anymore. Im freaking 19.

I can't take this anymore.
I need to leave.