Sometimes, i feel like a loner

Today was a good day till afternoon when things started to f up.
Okay, sorry for the vulgarity but i don't wanna use the F word but its just too #$!@*&% to describe it.

I felt no need to explain here, if you are my close friend, you should have heard from me by crook or hook. If you haven't, im sorry but i just don't wish to raise the matter up.

I thought i was nice, but im wrong. I was a devil all along. Like an angel on the surface, then inside my heart im a freaking devil.
Fml.
I know you all have been there for me but what i did was freaking bastard, like the way i treated you all was way too much.

Tonight is a night for reflection, on my past wrongdoings.
Who am i? I don't even know.
What i want? I don't know too.
What happened to me? Answer again? I don't know.
Maybe im too much. Not maybe, but i am too much.

Just stay away from me, don't get close to me else you'll be hurt. I'm too evil to hurt you.
So just stay away from me slowly.
I've once said the above sentence to someone. Now i am saying that again to all of you, those who are close to me especially.
Im not a nice person afterall, let alone a good friend.
I'm just a hypocrite. or whatever you call it.

Call me whatever, cause i do not know who i truly am.
F'kin disappointed with myself.

Pangseh pangseh pangseh, last min last min last min is all that i could do.
Unfriend me and you won't get all these shit from me.
I'll be a better person, maybe.
I don't know about the future.
I don't know anymore. Really.

Im a useless friend, i can't be there for you guys.
All i could do is to laugh,laugh and laugh.
F'kin joker.



*Sorry for the spammage of the F words 'cause thats how i describe myself.



I have to admit my night got better after meeting awesome piglets - 1 who was absent.

but,
still
the
night
kills.

I wonder how i survive thru the night later.

ciao.
gonna disappear for a lil' while again.

Avoidance, that's my forte.


----


the thing is i do not like the fact of being the only child, or rather the single child in the family.
i will be damn bored facing the four walls though there are my lovely grandparents to talk to.
But still, i rather stay out whole night.
Call me a vagabond?
I'm just not the type of girl who stays at home everyday, once a while still ok, but everyday, kill me please.
and staying at home = facing the laptop = being in the office everyday.

furthermore, when i am alone, i will think a lot, more than what you could think.


&& im stubborn like a bull, i do not like to be restricted.
Being the only child sucks, cause that means that my freedom is restricted or limited instead.
How i wish i can break free one day, and fly on my own, that's my wish though.
since young.

I've been given more that what i could expect but the thing i want most was FREEDOM.
im freaking 19 but i still have curfews?
like i still get calls from my dad when the clock strikes 10pm.
Call me a loser.
I am by the way.




PS/ Sorry for hearing my rants here.
Cause this is the only space i can vent everything out.
There's no one who can truly understand.


#whataday
#the worst day in March
#wobupei